Musings and pitfalls on the path of spiritual connection & a divine union
If you’ve ever sought advice online about improving your relationship in any way, you know the landscape is filled with countless suggestions, tips, and advice. From therapy-inspired techniques and discussions about attachment styles to shadow work and conflict navigation, the digital world is buzzing with relationship solutions. But have you ever stopped to ask: Why? Why do you seek a relationship in the first place?
Amidst the vast sea of advice and therapy jargon, we must anchor ourselves in the most fundamental question: Why do we want to be in a relationship? This goes beyond just being with a particular person. It’s about understanding our desires and motivations at a core level.
Beyond Therapy Talk
While therapy provides essential tools for understanding ourselves and our partners, it only takes us so far. We are complex beings, far more intricate than any label or paradigm can define. Hence, it’s crucial to probe deeper, asking ourselves who we are beyond these labels and where our relationship stands in the grand scheme of the universe.
Inner work, shadow work, and self-rediscovery are all beneficial and important, but I’d also argue that there’s a space where maybe, just maybe, we did enough “work”. A place for the total embrace of who and what we are as material for great alchemical art, a space that simply allows and totality of our humanity, on all of our kinks and fucked-up ness to simply be in its perfection and beauty.
Upon such contemplation, one might find that the essence of being in a relationship isn’t just about fulfilling personal needs. It’s about expressing gratitude for being part of the universal whole. Our relationships are, in a way, an offering to the cosmos. Recognizing this can help us foster connections that not only empower us as individuals but also serve the collective.
The Individualistic Lens of Modern Culture
Much of the conventional wisdom around relating emerges from our individualistic socio-economic value system. We often view romantic connections as isolated units, sometimes even adopting a ‘you and I against the world’ mindset. Such an approach, while seemingly romantic, Is incredibly limiting and isolating.
For a relationship to flourish, we must recognize it as an inseparable part of an ecosystem of relationships. To realize we are not individuals who live in the world or on the planet but rather expressions of aliveness that emerged from the world. While tools like attachment theory, psychoanalysis, and talk therapy techniques have their value, they all focus on each individual’s “trauma” and “patterns” as singular and separated phenomena existing and the responsibility of the individual. Even the way we talk about “self-love” “self-awareness,” and “self-care” are all centered on a connection with our “self” with total disregard for its place in the community, tribe, humanity, and the ecosystem.
I’d argue that there’s a depth to our human experience that requires us to invite the powers of community, nature, and the cosmos into our human experience and relationships.
In my own experience, it’s about making your partnership an integral part of our spiritual path and spiritual growth as a way to serve and empower not only ourselves to empower and catalyze personal growth but also to serve humanity and the universe as a whole. To contribute and honor the collective consciousness and ecology of aliveness we are part of.
It’s about making your life and physical union an offering of gratitude on the altar of creation.
There’s no such thing as a “Twin Flame.”
To speak about this rather mystical spiritual view of relating, we must also mention a few views that can harm and inhibit your journey and are unfortunately very common out there so I want to make it clear what I’m NOT talking about here. One such philosophy is the twin flame journey.
The universe of Twin Flame is a strange and dark new-age cult founded by Jeff and Shaleia Ayan to manipulate and profit off of desperate people seeking a soulmate.
Philosophies such as Twin Flames are harmful for many reasons, but also because of the belief that somewhere out there, there’s someone who’s a “perfect” soul match for you. This is a regurgitated and spiritualized version of the wider cultural fairytale finding of “the one”.
In reality, building a mutually empowering relationship requires taking responsibility for your actions and making an intentional, conscious effort to grow together.
The “divine masculine and feminine energy” trap
Another weirdly popular side of pop relationship wisdom you might find yourself on is the masculine and feminine energy, when “polarity coaches” with zero credentials or nuanced understanding of human relating attribute their version of attributes you must adhere to to be “divine feminine” or “divine masculine.”
Usually, they’ll say that to be more in your “divine feminine,” you need to be softer, surrender, and dance with the flow, while if you want to be more in your “divine masculine,” you need to take the lead in your relationship, hold space for your divine counterpart, etc.
This is, all of these characteristics and any other qualities are not feminine energy nor masculine energy; they are simply human. We are all a full spectrum of humanity, and different moments call for different qualities to be played and embodied regardless of your gender orientation or identity.
It’s usually people who have been on some valid spiritual awakening but still have a lot of social conditioning and Christian values as far as gender roles go. Ultimately, whether you feel that a sacred union is part of my spiritual journey or not, there’s a much more inclusive way to understand sexual polarity that has nothing to do with any arbitrary binary societal structures of gender roles.
Crafting a Divine Union
Crafting such divine love that sees itself as an integral aspect of the whole is more than just being together; Just like creating anything extraordinary will require extraordinary perspective and action.
Here are some musings and inspiration for such action that might support, orient, and hopefully inspire you to elevate your partnership and create something extraordinary with it.
Perspective – The Cosmic Viewpoint
As we already mentioned, everything starts with expanding your identity, perspective, and why. Every intimate relationship is a microcosm reflecting a broader ecological unfolding. To build a divine love, it’s essential to look beyond the surface and tap into this cosmic resonance.
Understanding the Larger Picture: At its core, a connection isn’t just about two individuals fulfilling each other’s needs. It’s about two souls in a karmic relationship, connecting and harmonizing within the vast orchestra of life, death, sex, and creation.
Beyond Mutual Benefits: While mutual benefits, be it emotional physical or sexual are significant, a truly profound, intimate union resonates with a deeper purpose. By contemplating and inviting an integration of your union with the larger cosmos, you start to experience your bond in a new, spiritual light.
Intentionality – Elevating Your Bond
Approaching your dynamic with clarity, reverence, and purpose transforms it from a mere connection to a sacred bond.
Being clear about why you’re in a relationship and what you hope to achieve out of it is crucial. This clarity strengthens the bond and makes every moment purposeful.
An intimate dynamic becomes divine not because it’s preordained or inherent but because the involved individuals approach it with a sense of sanctity. By revering to each other as magnificent expressions of life and a reflection of ourselves, you come to have a newfound appreciation for the bond you share, which completely transforms the way you move with each other through life.
With intention, your sexual intimacy becomes sacred sexuality, your communication is elevated with unconditional love, and your every moment of touch is an inspiring spiritual union.
Practice – Consistency in Commitment
The journey towards such a union is ongoing, and practice ensures you stay on the path, even during challenging times.
Embracing Moments of Conflict: Disagreements and conflicts are inevitable in any relationship. But what sets a divine union apart is the ability to remember and realign with your broader soul’s purpose and perspective during these times.
Remembrance: Staying committed to your perspective and intentions is an active practice. It’s about consistently reminding yourself of the divine purpose of your union and ensuring your actions align with this vision.
Sex, death, love & Ritual
Rituals, which have been integral to human relationships since time immemorial, provide a tangible way to reaffirm and strengthen the bond, invite, reinvent, and manifest whatever relational experience you want to have, as well as refresh and revitalize your sexual union.
Rituals, passed down through generations, offer insights into the deep spiritual practices that have bonded couples for centuries.
While ancient practices offer a foundation, it’s essential to adapt them to fit your relational context. By modernizing these rituals and personalizing them, couples can celebrate their unique bond while still honoring the age-old traditions.
The Power of Rituals: More than mere ceremonies, rituals offer couples a shared experience, a moment in time that deepens their bond, fostering mutual respect and understanding.
In essence, crafting a divine union is about weaving the threads of perspective, intentionality, consistent practice, and ritual into the fabric of your union, elevating it from the mundane to the celestial.
Embarking on a Journey of Erotic Aliveness
I hope this article inspired you in some meaningful ways.
Are you in a committed relationship that’s loving, safe, and empowering, yet the sex feels less than exciting or rarely happening?
Do you love physical intimacy with your partner yet have a longing to be more fully and deeply f*cked open to God?
Do you wish you could live and experience your deepest, wildest erotic fantasies with your partner but are not sure how to go about it without creating conflict?
And maybe you’re just feeling the calling in your heart to deepen your understanding of pleasure and erotic aliveness together and make your sex into a vehicle for individual and collective evolution.
Apply for my upcoming ‘Erotick’ program for couples, where you can come together and learn practical ways to embody everything I shared here in your own lives.