Sexual mastery is not about what you do but who you are when you do it
Continuing our sexual mastery series, I want to share with you a few more of my all-time principles that will not only make you into the best sex your partner ever had but will transform every other aspect of your life, work, and relationships.
This article is for you whether you want to improve sexual satisfaction, become a master of giving and receiving sexual pleasure, or of having a more meaningful relationship with your partners and with your own pleasure and sexuality,
The principles of sexual mastery I am sharing with you today are all universal and applicable to any sexual and intimate erotic experience regardless of your partner’s specific wants, desires, and physical needs.
These are universal and involve using abilities that you have immediate access to always; your awareness, breath, energy, and intelligence. Let’s dive deeper and expand on each:
Sexual mastery – Your Presence is everything
The number one most important thing you can ever master to become an incredible lover and transform every other aspect of your life is mastering your ability to be fully present.
And yes, there’s a lot that can be said and learned when it comes to sexual techniques and what you can do to give your partner multiple orgasms, master certain sex positions, enjoy sex more, and become an amazing lover.
Btw, if you are interested on all of that and more, check my online course sensual alchemy:
But by far, when it comes to becoming an extraordinary lover; There is nothing that you can do technically to a lover that will give as much pleasure and help both of you experience as much depth as your full, undivided attention and presence.
Being fully present may sound simple, but are you present when connecting with a lover or touching yourself?
Are you thinking about what happened before? What will happen later?
What this or that person said? Maybe you are fixated on reaching an orgasm or trying to make the experience perfect.
When I talk about full presence, I mean the tactile sensation that every single fiber of your being is here and here only.
When you can give your lover your undivided attention, everything else falls into place.
You will know how to navigate any intimate sexual experience with grace, amplifying pleasure and love for both of you.
Use this sexual meditative tool to practice presence
An incredible way to practice presence is by starting with yourself when you self-pleasure. Notice I am using the term “self-pleasure” instead of masturbation; this is because here, it’s not only about sex or getting off but about exploring playfully your relationship to pleasure, to your body, and to your sensual engagement with reality moment to moment.
Engage in self-pleasure in a more meditative way, create an intentional space, try to use your imagination without outsourcing your pleasure to porn or external stimulation, deepen and elongate your breath and take your time to explore your body and its erotic sensations.
Every time you notice your mind wandering, bring your attention back to the subtle sensations of your body, emotions, breath, and pleasure.
Make this a regular practice in your daily life, and you’ll not only become far more connected and multi-orgasmic but a much more present lover overall.
If you want to dive much deeper into this life-altering self-pleasure practice, I created a guide called “Number One Tool to Master in Your Sexual Energy.” You can access it for completely free here.
Sexual mastery – Your Breath is the key
One of the most overlooked yet immediately available tools for sexual mastery is the breath.
Whatever it is that you want to experience more of – whether it’s taking full control of your ejaculation, learning how to stay harder longer, becoming multi-orgasmic, or simply intensifying your orgasms and having better and deeper overall sexual experiences – your breath is the key.
Your sexual response, whether it’s getting aroused or reaching an explosive orgasm, is a nervous system-level response, and your breath is the key to nervous system regulation.
There are two main nervous systems in the body: the parasympathetic nervous system, which is in charge of relaxation, and the sympathetic nervous system, which is in charge of the fight or flight mode.
The parasympathetic nervous system is necessary for getting aroused, getting hard, staying hard, and lasting longer. The sympathetic nervous system, on the other hand, is necessary for climaxing or having an explosive orgasm, whether it’s ejaculation or most types of female orgasms.
By far, the main cause of sexual dysfunctions and overall sexual dissatisfaction, and sexual performance anxiety is an overactive sympathetic nervous system so you want to learn how to utilize your breath to intentionally down-regulate and activate your parasympathetic system.
How to master your breath
To begin mastering your breath in the simplest way possible, you want to intentionally slow and deepen your breath when making love or playing with each other and yourself.
Breathe through your nose slowly and deeply into your stomach, allowing your stomach to rise with each breath. Exhale through your mouth with a sigh to activate the parasympathetic nervous system and relax your body.
If you are making love, you can trade the sign with a sexy moan in your partner’s ear to drive them wild
As simple as this sounds, try it out, and you’ll see tremendous results.
I’ve worked with hundreds of men and women who have struggled with lasting longer, experiencing orgasms, and overcoming various sexual dysfunctions.
This simple adjustment to their breath has been the most effective method they’ve ever experienced, transforming their sexual experiences and allowing them to overcome their challenges.
Regulate your partner’s breath.
In any sexual or intimate encounter, and frankly, in any human interaction whatsoever, we are presented with a beautiful opportunity to give the gift of regulating and grounding another’s nervous system.
Once you master and become more aware of the patterns of your own breath, you can help your partner with theirs as well. The beauty is that you don’t even have to say anything; our bodies are more intelligent than we give them credit for.
If in a sexual interaction, you notice your partner’s breath become shallow and quick, their body tensing up, slow down your movement, look them in the eyes, or give them a grounding touch and intentionally deepen your breath and sync it with theirs.
Do so as you make love until your partner’s body is completely relaxed, open, and soft, and their breath is deep and long.
I promise you, no one has ever fucked your partner this way; this will absolutely blow their minds, amplify their orgasmic potential, and they will thank you very existence.
Thank me later
Sexual mastery – Pay attention to your Energy
It doesn’t matter what you do as much as who you are when you do it.
Your energy and intentionality are everything when it comes to sexual interaction.
And the most erotically attractive thing you can bring to a sexual interaction or relationship is the sense that you want your partner but don’t need them.
This level of spaciousness and freedom you can experience in your sex life happens when you remove any goals, agendas, and potential outcomes from the interaction and approach it with total openness.
Whether you’re meeting someone for the first time or have been dating them for decades, remove any goal or agenda.
Approach every moment with an open heart and mind, following your inherent playful curiosity.
Each sexual interaction is a unique story and universe, and every lover brings a unique experience.
Approach each moment as if it’s the first, and you’ll discover that by doing so, even without adjusting anything else in your sex life, you’ve likely become one of the best lovers your partner has ever had.
Surf the waves of your sexual energy (overcome premature ejaculation)
When you drop the agenda and goals, you are not fixated on penetration and orgasms as your goal. A whole universe of possibilities opens up to you and your sex life when it comes to exploring your own sexual power by learning to surf the waves of your sexual energy gracefully.
Instead of having your sex life about urgent gratification, you become able to use your sexual energy as the powerful creative life force that it is to evoke a newfound sense of aliveness in your life.
You can learn to enjoy the very existence of your sexual energy and “being horny” and sexually alive without needing to always and immediately let it go.
This is also tied directly to your ability to overcome erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation by training your body and nervous system to hold a higher intensity of pleasure without exploding and ejaculating.
This powerful masterclass and sexual practices will teach you everything you need to know about that:
Sexual mastery – follow the speed of her opening
This principle is directed mainly towards men, especially heterosexual men dating women. This is not because of some biological inherent difference but rather historical social conditioning and how our society is currently structured.
If you have any desire to improve as a lover, a man, and a sexual partner, It’s essential that you understand and be aware that every woman you meet brings not only the baggage of her own sexual wounding, trauma, and bad experiences but also generational trauma embedded in her nervous system and gene expression.
There’s obviously a lot of collective trauma and pains uniquely experienced by men, but that’s perhaps a topic for another time.
Let her beg for it…
Taking that into account, In sexual interactions, it’s vital to follow the speed of her opening. Adjust yourself according to the level she’s opening up to you, both emotionally and physically. From the first moment you meet until the moment of penetration, be gentle and patient.
This can take many forms, from the very awareness of her reality as you engage with her to avoiding pushing for any sexual experience and even to the moment of penetration itself:
Before you enter a woman’s temple, let her be absolutely ready and juicy and turned on for it; let her ask for it or even beg for it.
Instead of trying to get into her as quickly as possible, playfully tease your way in, position your fingers or your shaft softly at her opening. Allow her to suck you in, to invite you in when she’s ready.
Let her ask for it and express her readiness before you proceed. This approach will revolutionize the way you connect with lovers in your life.
Sexual Mastery – Stimulate Your Partner’s Mind
What you do with your partner’s mind is far more important than what you do with your body.
While there are techniques to give better handjobs and blowjobs, make a woman squirt, or perfectly execute various positions, stimulating your partner’s mind is paramount.
You can be the most “knowledgeable” lover when it comes to erogenous zones, your breath, and your presence.
Build anticipation – your sexual power
As Esther Perel said beautifully: Sex doesn’t start when you get in the room and start taking each other’s clothes off; it starts after the last time you’ve had sex.
This speaks to the importance of building erotic anticipation as a necessary element of the sexual and erotic experience.
A few ways to create anticipation is by building up excitement before sexual interaction by hinting towards a sexual experience later or even directly telling your partner how much you can’t even wait to tear their clothes off and ravish them later.
Even the very act of taking sufficient time for foreplay and tease is an element of building erotic tension and anticipation.
This way, when you get to finally have sex with each other, you are both starting from 1000% turned on and ready to go.
Another important element of psycho-sexual stimulation is Introducing different forms of kinky power dynamics, in which you consensually role-play an interaction that includes a power imbalance.
This can be as simple as playing a Dominant/Submissive dynamic in which one of you is taking the lead in the sexual interaction.
Or a more elaborate play with power imbalances like teacher-student or doctor-patient relationships and things of that nature.
And if you are both feeling creative and are a fan of drama, you can even invent your own unique sexual alter egos, give them names, characteristics, and roles and go wild by playing them with each other.
Master dirty talk
Dirty talk is another vital aspect of stimulating your partner’s mind. Generally speaking, dirty talk can be divided into four main categories:
Empowering; is telling or doing with your partner anything empowering, such as calling them Queen/king, God/Goddess, or even worshiping their body and pleasure.
Overpowering: anything that has to do with creating a power imbalance and taking the lead. You can say kinky things such as how you “own” your partner’s body or certain body parts, for example, or command and boss them around doing sexually pleasurable things.
Praising: Tell your partner how much you find them sexy and beautiful, share with them exactly all the dirty things you want to do with them, and let them know how wonderful of a lover they are.
Degrading: this is where you intentionally and consensually(!!) use degrading terms such as “slut” “whore, “fuck toy,” etc., to drive your partner super wild.
Remember, not everything is everyone’s cup of tea! Open conversation, enthusiastic consent, and figuring out exactly what turns your partner on are fundamental to a mutually empowering sexual experience.
Of course, there are other forms of dirty talk, so feel free to choose something from here and do it in your own unique style of completely innovating and inventing whatever you and your partner find erotically intriguing.
Conclusion – transform your sex life.
If you practice what I shared here, even if you never change anything else in your sex life, you will attain sexual mastery on a level unimaginable to most people.
By practicing these five principles, you’ll not only become a better lover but also experience personal growth and transformation in your life. Enjoy your journey to sexual mastery, and I’ll see you in the next video.