If you are currently suffering from an inability to last more than a few minutes (or less) in bed, then you know how frustrating it can feel. Stressing out over whether your partner enjoyed your sexy time together, doubting your abilities as a lover, and for a lot of men, avoiding connecting sexually with women altogether.
But it’s not just about that, is it? The way we express ourselves sexually influences everything in our lives. And it is my direct experience in my own life as well as working with hundreds of men like you; when we shift, transform, open up to our true sexual potential, learn how to make art with our sex, and master our sexual energy, it infuses every aspect of our lives with aliveness, joy, and abundance.
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And I imagine that if you’ve done a bit of research, you’ve been seeing two types of advice:
The first is what I call “symptom treatments”, things like medications and numbing creams alongside horrible advice like biting your tongue or thinking about your grandma in order to distract yourself from the intensity of pleasure.
This is, although effective to a certain degree, as the name suggests, only treating the symptom without touching the heart of the problem, which means it will keep occurring. Also, and it’s crazy I need to even state it — numbing and distracting yourself doesn’t make for a very fulfilling sex life, does it?
The second type of advice is the more “spiritual” kind, things like the Taoist methods described in Mantak Chia’s books, which include practices that revolve around visualization and “shooting the energy up the spine” instead of ejaculating it outwards. As well as some yogic lock methods involving contracting the pelvic muscles in a variety of ways, or as they’re known in the West, “Kegel exercises.”
These methods, although important in achieving multi-orgasmic experiences and separating orgasm from ejaculation, are not effective long-term in my experince and are quite destructive to your sexual enjoyment overall.
What I’m aiming to do here and in my work with men is to cultivate a practice that’s accessible, clear, and available even if you’re not into spiritual stuff while allowing you to experience deeper presence, connection, and sex instead of further separation and destruction.
Before I lay out the method that will not only take you to full control of ejaculation in 30 days or less but also have the potential to allow you to experience multiple orgasms and experience intense orgasms that are separate from your ejaculation, I have to make a few things clear and give you some overall guidelines. These guidelines will make up the majority of this article and are really important, so make sure you read them carefully:
First, for this practice to be effective, you must not watch porn at all for the duration of this practice. None at all.
One of the key reasons you are experiencing premature ejaculation, other than, of course, 50 thousand years of evolution optimizing for men who cum fast, is the way you’ve been masturbating so far, which, if you’re like most men, is while watching porn and stroking yourself hard and fast in order to ejaculate as quickly as possible.
This has literally wired your body and nervous system to rely on extreme external stimulation and to ejaculate once a certain threshold of intensity is reached.
It has also wired you to drift into pornographic fantasy when you’re with a real woman, which intensifies your pleasure (superficially) and gets you quicker to your threshold and so, whoops, ejaculates.
Secondly, watch your general wellness; if you’re generally overworked, stressed, eating shit, and not exercising at all, chances are this practice will not work for you nor should you focus on it right now, take care of your basics and come back to it.
A lot of the work revolves around moving sexual energy around your body and becoming more skilled at holding higher and higher intensities of pleasure while staying relaxed; this will be impossible to achieve if your body is not in a good state to start with.
Beyond that, do not ejaculate more than once a week (two weeks if you can) for the duration of this practice, and perhaps beyond that, once you become accustomed to separating orgasms from ejaculation and you naturally don’t have the physical craving or need to ejaculate every time you have sex or masturbate.
Now here’s the important part of it: DO NOT get into a mindset of shame and self-judgment around ejaculation, something that’s very prevalent in the mainstream “no fap” or semen retention culture. This is just utter nonsense; there is NOTHING WRONG with ejaculating, it is a very healthy and natural physical process. What we are doing here is nothing more than a curious, joyful, and playful exploration of your sexuality with the only intention of discovering more depth and what your body-mind is truly capable of.
If you end up ejaculating during the duration of the practice, don’t stress it for a moment, just start counting the 7–14 days again and start from day 1 of the practice instructions.
Lastly, before we get into the practice itself: Remember, there’s nothing wrong or broken about you and there’s nothing better about a man who can last longer or is multi-orgasmic. The reason why you have premature ejaculation has more to do with evolution than with you. We are here not to try to reach some kind of “Superman” sexual level or some blissful ecstatic state of consciousness, not at this point at least.
We are here to achieve something very simple first: Allowing you to gain control of your ejaculation. This is achieved by ultimately these three new skills:
- Becoming very attuned with your level of arousal so you know the difference between a 20%, 50%, and 99% level of arousal when 100% is uncontrollable ejaculation.
- Being able to and rewiring your body-mind to hold a higher and higher intensity of pleasure/energy without “collapsing”, and keep relaxing and softening into the intensity without ejaculating. (Which is a skill that will greatly influence your ability to do so during all of life’s intensities, emotional or financial).
- Getting used to enjoying sexual activity without ejaculating at the end, yes that’s right, just move about your day and allow the powerful life force energy to permeate your entire body and enlighten your day with life and joy.
And here’s what you’re going to do in the next 30 days on a daily basis:
It’s not going to be easy, but it’s possible.
A. Daily self-pleasure practice.
Lie down comfortably and take as much time as your schedule allows; the longer, the better to masturbate. Do not use porn and start very slow; take your time to explore your body and get used to slowing down drastically.
Breathe deeply but not forcefully and into your lower belly; allow your belly to rise with the inhalation, and for your body to relax deeper and soften with every exhalation, exhale fully and slowly.
Most men are incredibly stiff, especially as they become more aroused, and start getting used to doing the exact opposite, breathing in that way the whole time, relaxing and opening their chest and facial muscles, unclenching their jaw, etc.
Use your whole body, rock your waist and pelvis up and down, make sounds if it comes naturally, and activate your body. This will help you have sex with your entire body and not only with your cock, so distribute sexual pleasure and tension all around.
When you finally get to your cock, notice how your pelvic muscles tend to tense up the more pleasure you experience and relax them intentionally.
Take mental notes about your levels of arousal: “Now I’m at 50%, 30%, 70%, etc. In the beginning, don’t get yourself too close to the point of no return and stop at 60–70%; as you progress over time and feel more comfortable, try getting to 80% or even 90% and stopping there.
Every time you get closer to an orgasm, stop moving and relax everything, press on your perineum if necessary or jerk your balls (a movement operates your balls from your shaft), and play with different variations and pressure levels.
Once you’re sufficiently relaxed but not entirely soft, go back at it and repeat.
Get yourself almost there 4–5 times and then relax completely, lay down for another 5–10 minutes and enjoy the sensations in your body, reflect in appreciation for life, pleasure, and having a body.
Go about your day.
You may experience what’s called “blue balls” at first, but don’t worry it takes some time for the body to adjust and for you to learn how to move and redirect the energy so it’s not “stuck” in your genitals. That brings us to the next practice:
B. Daily breathing/meditative practice.
Ejaculation control doesn’t start and end with sexual activities; it has to do with your relationship with life itself. How much of life’s emotional, sexual, or financial intensity, which is literally the “life force” you can hold in your body while staying grounded in the present?
In addition, simply refraining from ejaculation while staying sexually active can be physically uncomfortable at first; you’ll experience pressure building up in your genitals, the pressure that feels “stuck” there when it is used to being immediately released. In order to work around that, you need to practice moving that energy and distributing it around your body, primarily up your spine but anywhere else as well.
This practice will help you cultivate that ability gradually.
Take 10–20 minutes of your day and sit comfortably, either cross-legged if you can or if you’re sitting on a chair, make sure your feet are both fully flat on the floor.
Now your posture is everything here. Make sure your ass is higher than your knees; your back is straight but relaxed; tilt your chin slightly downwards in a way that allows your upper back and neck to elongate, close your eyes, and completely relax your jaw and facial muscles.
Take a deep breath in without forcing it, breathe into your lower belly, allow the belly to rise and fill in your chest area, and exhale fully and slowly.
Once you’re feeling fully present in your body, start breathing even more deeply into your balls. You can feel a slight and subtle down-pull sensation in your balls when the inhalation is fully in. Exhale fully and slowly.
Now, visualize your vital life energy coming down your body through your front all the way to your balls when you inhale and shooting all the way up your body through your spine as you exhale.
Optionally, you can lightly squeeze your pelvic muscles when you exhale to emphasize the upward movement of the energy upon exhalation.
Repeat this practice daily, and you will likely start noticing that circular breath + energy movement is happening spontaneously throughout your day. If that happens, great; it means the practice works well.
If you get distracted during the practice and find yourself lost in thoughts. This is completely natural, simply bring your awareness back to your breath and the visualization.
C. Whenever you have sex with someone.
When you get a chance to share sexuality with a lover, DO NOT attempt the above breathing technique until it becomes natural and intuitive in your body, otherwise, sex feels like stressful “practice” instead of a wonderful experience of getting lost in each other.
Instead, do the following:
- Be there with her. Become aware and notice when you are drifting into a pornographic fantasy or thinking about another woman; bring your awareness back to the moment, to her body, to the subtle sensations in your body. Open your chest and your heart, and soften your belly.
- Learn to slow down a lot and/or pull out when necessary. In the beginning, you’ll need to utilize this one often as you gradually get accustomed to more and more intense pleasure. When you stop, to make it seamless and fun for your partner, you can eat her/pleasure her in other ways until you’re sufficiently relaxed and go again.
- As a leading principle, your inhalation brings power and energy into your cock; exhalation defuses/relaxes/distributes the energy away from your cock, and uses it to your advantage. You can do so by simply exhaling slowly and fully in the moment of “too much, I’m almost ejaculating” while relaxing your pelvic muscles. You can also try these two:
- Upon exhalation, at any time but especially when you feel pleasure intensifying and you are about to ejaculate, exhale with a sigh (or a moan/roar to make it sexy), that vibrates your throat. That will activate your parasympathetic nervous system and allow you to relax.
- Here and there when you feel like trying this one: Inhale when you exit your lover’s pussy, exhale, and relax as you enter her. When you exhale and enter her, tilt your tailbone with your cock into her in a way that squeezes your ass cheeks inwards. Tilt your tailbone outwards and upwards towards the ceiling when you inhale and exit her. This practice can be done quite seamlessly with a lover without becoming “a practice,” and you can try it out by yourself first to get the hang of it.
It’s all about you now…
You now have all that you need to know to get yourself to the basic level of full ejaculation control, from now on, it only takes your dedication and practice. How far will you take this practice beyond just gaining control of your ejaculation is entirely up to you.
Some men continue to experience all kinds of mind-blowing orgasmic experiences that have been experienced by only a handful of men, some take the energy they’ve learned how to cultivate and master the art of utilizing this very powerful life energy for the rest of their life, their work, business, and relationships.
This practice, though, goes above and beyond in depth in ways that make the original goal of enhancing your sex life seem like a tiny boat in an ocean of depth and joyful living.
Our sexuality is by far the most potent vehicle for physical, emotional, financial, and spiritual transformation available to us in this life, in this body.
That being said, it is completely ok if you only desire to enhance your sex life and gain control of your ejaculation, that too is an epic “achievement unlocked” type of event that has the potential to make a real difference in our lives for the better.
Now as you noticed, I packed a lot into this one article which can make it a bit challenging to apply without proper daily guidance and fine-tuning the practice according to your particular individual experience.
If you desire to go all in to have hands-on (figuratively speaking ) experience taking you step-by-step through these practices to ensure success, helping you master your sexual energy, and making art with your sex:
I hope you enjoyed this article and found it useful my brother.
May all beings be happy and free. Om.
